You'd be the one I'd put My trust into, If I were thinking to myself, a random thought of You would make Me smile. You're presence would make Me nervous and I'd always want to hold You're hand when You're around, I'd glare at You from the corner of My eye when You're not looking and I would not get enough of Your smell. I'd want to curl up in Your hands when I'd feel cold because You'd be warm. I'd love the way You  would talk and I'd love the way You would smile when You'd see me. Every sad and/or romantic song would remind me of You and You'd you always manage to make me happy. I'd love the way You would guide Me to the right way and would fight for me.You'd never know what I feel and I'd never know what You would think. I'd always feel as if You would be looking right into my soul, when You'd actually just be looking at me. I'd love the color of You're eyes and the way you'd be built. You'd walk with pride and you'd always make me feel safe. You'd make me fall but You'd help me up. I'd cry if you'd leave.

The thought of losing You would make me cry, the thought of Me leaving and You staying would make Me miserable. You'd inspire me, You'd make me go weak in the knees. You'd be perfect. Every time You'd make Me feel weird in the stomach while thinking of you, I'd break something because I would not let myself feel anything towards You. You'd never really understand. You'd tell me I'm beautiful. You'd hold me. You'd care. You'd never know.I'd only love the thought of you. I'd worry for You if You'd be hurt and I'd take care of You if You were sick.You'd inspire me. You'd cook with me. You'd laugh with me, You'd be more of a man than any other man could ever be. You'd open doors for me and You'd pick up stuff that I'd drop and You'd always catch me when I'd fall cause You'd know I would be clumsy. I'd love your laughter. You'd be My best friend, My only lover, My only person. I'd have to let go of You. I'd never want to let go of You. You'd be my dream and only my dream. You'd make me write all these words. You'd be trustworthy. You'd be intelligent .You'd be funny. You'd make me repeat some of your qualities many times, You'd make me want to talk to you all the time. You would make me impressed by how many words You would make me write about You, though I would think I don't even feel anything for You.. We'd have our inside jokes and people would look at us weirdly. We'd play like children and We wouldn't care less what by-passers would think.I'd love the way You'd discover me and be fascinated and amazed by every new thing You  would find out about me.I'd love the way You'd keep retelling me the moment We'd meet.I'd be a drug-addict and You'd be my drug and I'd need a dose of you every single day, because otherwise I would be very sad. I was broken when you found me.

Is this of what I've felt, Feel or will Feel. Who knows. Or does this even exist in my world. Probably not.Yet maybe.

 This indeed is, what I feel. It actually exists.

♥

 Sometimes, I really F/)(#"¤%& hate you all.But usually 'you all' are not the reason. So chill. It's not you-it's me...Cause it's me. -.-

Have some blood with it.

When I was little, for some reason I was afraid of the teenage me. I was afraid I'd start smoking and drinking and do stupid stuff, that I'd stopped loving the things I love and cherished back then, I was afraid I'd stop seeing what's important. The sad part is that the little me was right. I don't remember the time I lost her, but I did and I didn't keep any promises I gave to myself, which makes me want to apologize to her. She was right to be scared, but I'd want to tell her, that I'm still the same person and our wants and interests will change in time. I'd want to hold her and tell her it'll all be okay in the end, that she'll go through some rough paths and get hurt, but eventually find someone special and see that everything ain't so bad after all. I'd tell her not to be afraid and to always be strong and to never let go of what she believes in. I won't. I remember what she wanted and what she thought and all-though I lost sight of it a few years ago, I've become to see it again... So it's okay. I lost you, but I found you again. You're still with me.
I miss her. She was really smart. If I would've written down my thoughts back then to read them now, I would be ashamed. Because the little me is so much smarter sometimes than the current me. 

Finally I brought myself to writing this down. Thanks to someone.

work in progress.